Pressure

There are so many outside pressures and influences that can come into our lives.  And one area where I really struggle is with being a mom.  I constantly comparing myself to other moms, constantly thinking what could I do better.  And now that I am part time I am thinking more of ways that I can do things around the house, especially cook more.  I rarely cook anymore-and I would like to start cooking again.  Ok, not everyday, lets not go crazy, but a few times a week, make a good home cooked meal. 

Another thing I struggle with is feeding your kids good stuff.  There's all this stuff out there about how preservatives are bad, there's the dirty 15 for fruits and veggies, and watch the meat you eat and the milk you drink.  I swear there is something bad in almost everything out there right now.  And it's enough to drive me crazy.  I was talking to Jeff a few weeks ago about this and how I just feel like I am not doing enough when it comes to the kids and eating-that I want to do better.  He is an amazing husband and calmed me down some and basically said that if we fear all this stuff and allow ourselves to stay int his spot, it can consume us.  I am not saying that there isn't good stuff out there that we should read listen too, but right now I am not going to drive myself crazy over it.  I am going to make a few small changes here and there-buy a few less things with preservatives, buy a few more things that are organic, and try to stay away from high fructose corn syrup.  I am not going to freak out if my kids eat blueberries or strawberries because they are on the dirty dozen food list of foods with pesticides.  Even the people that put that list together say that it is better to have a diet with these fruits and vegetables than to not eat them at all.   I have to give myself grace-I am never going to get everything that goes into parenting right.  I am not going to make the right choices every time, nor can I-it would totally consume me if I listened to everything out there-whether it's food related or how to parent and raise your kids.  I will allow myself to be ok with making changes here and there and seeing what works for our family.  I will carry the dirty dozen, clean 15 list in my purse, and if something sounds good on the 12 list, I will still buy it. 

Jeff and I have been talking some lately too about where we will go after the condo.  This is a long time off.  We love our condo, we love Kirkwood and where we are at and plan on being here for quite a while.  But we are talking more of having a little more land where we can plant some gardens and share the wealth of fresh grown produce with our friends and family.  We would honestly someday like to have a few chickens possibly to get fresh eggs!  And I am even considering getting our meat from a local farm where cows graze in open fields (this has been on my mind for a years now-even know of a friend that does it and know of a farmer, just have never pursued it).

I guess I am writing this post for myself for the future because I know that things will bother me, I will feel pressured into feeling like I am not doing enough for my family, or doing it right.  I will have more days where I honestly feel like a complete failure.  Maybe someday I will come across this post again and realize that I need to allow myself grace, that I am not perfect in any way, that I will mess up most likely on a daily basis.  And that's ok!  You see Brandi-if you are reading this now and you are having one of those days, weeks, or month after you write this post-you are ok.  You are God's child first and foremost and Jeff and your children are His too.  Parent with grace, love, and mercy towards your children.  Accept that you will never have all the answers and never get everything right.  Live in the truth that God is guiding you, will continue to guide you and has your family where they need to be whether it's in good times or bad.  You can trust him, don't cling to the words and the ways and the thoughts of this world telling you how you should or should not do something.  Cling to the truth of his word.  Cling to the fact that you are loved by a heavenly father.  Cling to the people like your husband and family whom he has placed in your life to do life with.  And be ok with making choices here and there for your family, be ok with not having it all together.  For I think I am starting to see more and more that it's when we don't have it all together, when we are vulnerable and trust God and let go, that that is where he grows us the most.  I'm not saying that I will someday grow to be a stellar preservative free, healthy meat, egg and dairy person. For now I am going to be ok with making the choice to start small and see where our choices for our family go.  I'm going to look to my husband Jeff to help lead our family and talk through these issues whether they seem so minute or huge and together we will guide our family of 4, look to God for guidance and strength, patience, hope when we don't have it and we will continue to juggle our way through our beautiful life!!!