Big brother

Cale has continued to just blossom and grow this year.  Not that he didn't before he was 4, but he's just totally into his world around him and he's smart and can figure things out pretty quickly.  He asks why all the time.  I have to admit I sometimes cringe when I hear that word why.  It's exhausting to be on mentally all the time and try to have the answers for him.  I have to admit a lot of my answers are just I don't know because honestly, I just don't know.  He loves to play with his animals and trains and still has this amazing creativity and imagination where he can just sit and play and play making up stories and adventures for whatever he's playing with.  Right now he's got these ocean creatures that he loves to play with and will just come up with all sorts of scenarios for them and act them out with them. 

4 years is not easy discipline wise.  Man, there are a lot of whines, tears, back talk and discipline.  I think a lot of  it is just him pushing the boundaries, but it is some nights beyond exhausting.  Overall he is a sweet kid who loves people, loves to play with other kids, is tenderhearted and emotional, has an amazing zest and energy for life, always wants to learn more, is smart, and so many more things.  But I have to say there are moments with him where I easily lose patience and just don't understand why there are fits about the most insignificant things. 

I just have to trust that God is using me and Jeff to mold Cale, that we discipline out of love and sometimes grace if we mess up and lose our patience and then need to go apologize to him.  He is a gift to us and we love him dearly!  I think something else that overwhelms me about him is that I just don't know what to always do.  I don't always know how to respond to a fit, what the best discipline is or why he gets why he is being disciplined, but the next day does the same thing again.  Somedays are mind boggilng with both children.  I have moments where I think what am I doing and this parenthood thing is too hard.  Those moments though are fleeting and the joy far outweighs the struggle.  But I have to remember and try to remember (although I honestly don't everyday), that Cale and Aiden are God's children 1st and foremost and that we are to love them as God loves us and teach them about the love of God.  That means parenting with love and grace even in the discipline.  I mess up on this a lot, but am hoping that as I continue on this parenthood journey with Jeff that God continues to just mold and shape our hearts so that we can love our children well.  Understanding too that this means we will mess up many times and that in those moments we offer ourselves grace and our children love and grace.

Even though it's the toughest job on earth, I wouldn't change parenthood and all the love inside for our children we feel, the laughter, the smiles, the tears, the hard moments, and the privilege and honor of being a parent for anything.